Dear Me at 3 am: An Open Letter for Sleep-Deprived Mothers

Dear me at 3am, 

First of all, I know where you are. I know you haven't felt rested in what feels like years. I know this is the 5th time you've put the baby down tonight and he's teething on you as he nurses. Ouch. I know you eat most meals standing up, and if you manage to sit you're probably feeding a baby at the same time and trying not to drop food on him in the process - all while trying to make sure your oldest doesn't feel ignored and knows how much he is loved. I know it feels like your children are abnormal in their ability to survive without sleep, and if one more website says the baby should be taking multiple 2-hour naps, you may need to replace your phone (plus whatever it hits when you throw it). I know you have exhausted yourself meeting the needs of those around you and you could really use a nap, a hug, a glass of wine, and a cookie.

But here's what you need to keep in mind ...

4 Truths to Remember When Facing Infertility

For those of you who have not read Great is Thy Faithfulness: A Story of Waiting on God, Hubs and I dealt with unexplained infertility when we were trying to conceive Z. It was potentially the most heartbreaking season of my life.  Infertility sucks, and I wish that no one ever had to experience it - but if you are facing infertility, here are 4 truths that it may help to bear in mind.

First Trimester Faith: What Early Pregnancy Can Teach Us About Trusting God

The first trimester of pregnancy can be a bit difficult - and not just because of morning sickness. Whether it's a total answer to prayer or a complete surprise, I find it hard to wrap my head around what's really happening. I mean one minute life is pretty normal. Then I take a test - just in case - and BAM.  Two lines.

What?

Wait, what?

Suddenly, everything is different. I eat differently, I'm avoiding medications and too-hot showers, and my mind is all over the place.

Do we need a bigger place? How will we make this work financially? Am I really up for this, God?  Is this even really happening? 

The truth is, the first trimester has taught me a lot about faith - especially the faith that's required when God is birthing something within you; when He reveals a calling, or places a dream in your heart.

10 Ways to Master Making Friends as an Introvert

Making new friends does not come naturally to me, and many other introverts. If I'm not intentional about it, I can easily become quiet and reclusive when I'm out and them go home all mopey and sing a chorus of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms." (I'm not making that song up - Google it!)

All kidding aside, meeting new people can be intimidating and small talk can be just agonizing. Having a conversation with no real substance feels like going to a restaurant and paying way too much for a small portion of bad food ... Social interaction can drain us, so interaction without a real connection is just "bleh".

Having a conversation with no real substance feels like going to a restaurant and paying way too much for a small portion of bad food.

So, from one introvert to another, here are 10 ways to build community:  

1. Pray  
Starting out with prayer is always a good idea. Pray that God will bring friendships that are real and genuine into your life, and that you will be a blessing to others.

 2. Show up 
You have to get out of your normal routine in order to meet new people and grow new relationships. so whether it's a church service, a birthday dinner, or a library story time with the kids, go - and leave time to mingle with others before or after the event. Then go home and recharge your batteries!

3. Say something
Showing up and then being a wallflower isn't going to help you much. Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation with someone. I know, I know. Small talk. (Why did it have to be small talk?)
Think of small talk as an investment.  Even the strongest friendships have to start somewhere. And who says it has to be boring? The ball is in your court, my fellow introvert. Make it interesting.

 Think of small talk as an investment.  Even the strongest friendships have to start somewhere.

 4. Be genuine 
Your friendships will only be as authentic as you are within them, so be real.

5. Reach out 
If you see a need, offer to help! This doesn't have to be anything major. For example, a few months ago a friend's baby had a diaper malfunction and had nothing clean to wear. I always try to have a change of clothes for Z on hand, so I loaned her an outfit.

6. Get involved 
Joining a group is an awesome way to connect with people. Bible studies, mom groups, interest groups, and volunteering are all awesome options! I especially like volunteering in some way (classic INFJ) because it makes the small talk easier.  You already know you have a common interest in whatever cause you are supporting!

7. Use, but don't rely on social media
Digital interactions just aren't the same as face-to-face hang time. Don't just be friends on Facebook, be friends at the coffee shop too.

8. Extend an invitation 
Be intentional about creating time and space to build relationships. You don't have to jump straight to inviting people into your home -start by asking some friends to join you for a lunch out. Once story time at the library ends, let some other moms know that your planning to hit the park down the street next. If you have some friends that you already know pretty well, invite them over for tacos or a game night.

9. Smile 
I know it sounds cheesy ::insert rim-shot here:: but I'm serious... especially for introverts. I think we need to be even more aware of this because we tend to internally be in our own world of thought - which affects our expression. If your resting face looks super pensive or even angry, you don't come across as approachable to those around you. Smile!

10.  Keep it up 
Making new friends isn't an overnight thing. Continue to get out of the house, smile, and say hello. Chances are that with a little intentional socializing, you may find a few good friends.

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The Lost Art of Friendship

A few years ago Hubs and I realized that, despite all our efforts, we were seriously in need of community. Friends that we could really do life with, conversations that went beyond the 30-second encounter which almost always ended with "yeah, it's been super busy - but we should definitely get together as soon as things settle a bit." The thing was, it never settled.  It's took us a while to see it because we were so deeply embedded in it, but the church culture we were in promoted busyness in ministry to a fault. I think it was something that church leadership was aware of, because there were sermons on that very subject - but they were often followed by a encouragement to get involved in the next conference, outreach event, serving team, and giving campaign.
We believed in the good work that the church was doing and we could see the fruit from these efforts, so we served anywhere and everywhere we could. At one point, we were serving in a total of seven capacities and leading in four of them. Even with all of that involvement, we felt like we didn't really know anyone well. We came, we served, we went home to take a nap; and, for the most part, so did everyone else.

Great is Thy Faithfulness: A Story of Waiting on God

When I was 14, I knew two things for certain: one, that I would be a wife, and two, I would be a mother.

I never  could make up my mind on a career (still can't)... Singer? Archaeologist? World explorer? But to be a wife and mom were desires within in me ever since I was a child. As I grew older and grew with God, I prayed that He would confirm those things to me, and He did. I prayed for my husband on a regular basis. Not "God give me a husband" prayers, but prayers for him as an individual (whoever he was).  I know he was out there and no one could convince me otherwise.  I had several youth pastors, college group leaders, and friends try to convince me that maybe God had given me "the gift of singleness" and that I needed to be okay with that and even prepared for it ... But I always knew better. It went directly against what God had spoken to me personally.

In the few years before I met my husband, I started to pray a new prayer. "God, give me a desire for whatever and whoever it is that you have for me".

Over time, my vision of who I was praying for became very specific. A green-eyed guitar player. I remember the day that I met him clearly. I was sitting in a church classroom for a mission trip meeting when he walked in.  I instantly noticed him and  thought to myself, "Do not get distracted by some guy... this trip is about my relationship with God and serving others ...  He has green eyes ... crap, he has green eyes..." Then another team member spoke to him. "Hey man, you bringing your guitar to Peru?"

Cue the jaw-drop.  A green-eyed guitar player is on the team. Now, because I'n the over-analytical and guarded sort, I avoided him like the plague for some time.  Eventually, though, it became very clear to me that this was I man I had been praying for.

Flash forward through a wedding and several years and we're ready to start a family.  Women in my family tend to be "Fertile-Myrtles", so I'm thinking we'll be pregnant in just a few months. Easy.

Then months pass...

and more months pass...

and before we know it, we are officially dealing with infertility.

This was one of the most painful seasons in my life - month after month of hope followed by crushing disappointment. Not many people knew we were trying to start a family and struggling.  Many asked prying questions and even asked "What's wrong with you? Why don't you have kids yet?"

"What's wrong with you?" was the very question I asked myself over and over. We did some testing and my husband's results came back fine ... something had to be wrong on my end.

Again, I knew that I knew that God had a child for us... so why one negative test after another? Some friends tried to encourage me with stories of what their cousin or friend did to get pregnant, telling me that I just needed to relax, or suggesting that we could always adopt. (Please, if you know someone dealing with infertility, refrain form those comments. Even with the best of intentions, they aren't very helpful.)

Many also encouraged me to keep believing that God was able ... and that was just it. I knew He was able.  I knew He was bigger than a doctor's report.  I believed it with every fiber of my being.  That's why it was so painful that it wasn't happening.  I had received a promise.  I knew He was able to give us a child. So why wasn't He? I felt like God was holding out on me. I wondered if I had misheard God and maybe we weren't meant to have our own children, but again He confirmed his promise to me and even spoke to me that we would conceive naturally.  At the time, I thought it was indigestion.

Finally, I took another pregnancy test - fully expecting another negative - and got the shock of my life. My husband was across the ocean on a mission trip and I was shaking so hard I could barely hold still enough to take of picture of the test.  I managed to video chat with him very briefly to tell him the news before I had to leave for work and pretend it was just another normal day. I drove to work that morning thanking God with tears in my eyes.  "Great is Thy Faithfulness" came to mind, and I sang alone in my car.

I've sung that song almost every day ever since. I sang it to my son in the womb, and as a newborn it was one of the few things that could calm his crying.  Now we sing it to him every night as part of his bedtime routine, and we are constantly reminded of how faithful God really is.

His promises are true. They often don't come the way we expect them, and they almost never come when we want them, but they are true. He is who He says He is and that means that we must be who He says we are. If you are still waiting on God's promises, wait intentionally.  Seek to lean and to hear what He has for you during that time of waiting.  God isn't rejecting you. He's refining you.



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