Dear Me at 3 am: An Open Letter for Sleep-Deprived Mothers

Dear me at 3am, 

First of all, I know where you are. I know you haven't felt rested in what feels like years. I know this is the 5th time you've put the baby down tonight and he's teething on you as he nurses. Ouch. I know you eat most meals standing up, and if you manage to sit you're probably feeding a baby at the same time and trying not to drop food on him in the process - all while trying to make sure your oldest doesn't feel ignored and knows how much he is loved. I know it feels like your children are abnormal in their ability to survive without sleep, and if one more website says the baby should be taking multiple 2-hour naps, you may need to replace your phone (plus whatever it hits when you throw it). I know you have exhausted yourself meeting the needs of those around you and you could really use a nap, a hug, a glass of wine, and a cookie.

But here's what you need to keep in mind ...

4 Truths to Remember When Facing Infertility

For those of you who have not read Great is Thy Faithfulness: A Story of Waiting on God, Hubs and I dealt with unexplained infertility when we were trying to conceive Z. It was potentially the most heartbreaking season of my life.  Infertility sucks, and I wish that no one ever had to experience it - but if you are facing infertility, here are 4 truths that it may help to bear in mind.

Why "God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle" is a Lie

Several years ago, I hit rock bottom.  One thing after another was taken away from me and I tried - I tried so hard to be strong through it all.  I took it upon myself to be "the strong one".  I felt like I needed to be a rock for everyone else who was being affected by everything that was happening.

Eventually, the load became to much for me to bear on my own and I broke. I felt weak... I felt like a failure... and for some reason, I handled my grief and anger by not eating.  It wasn't that I wanted to be skinnier; it was half self-punishment and half numbness.

God was allowing it all to happen, and yet it was more than I could handle.

First Trimester Faith: What Early Pregnancy Can Teach Us About Trusting God

The first trimester of pregnancy can be a bit difficult - and not just because of morning sickness. Whether it's a total answer to prayer or a complete surprise, I find it hard to wrap my head around what's really happening. I mean one minute life is pretty normal. Then I take a test - just in case - and BAM.  Two lines.

What?

Wait, what?

Suddenly, everything is different. I eat differently, I'm avoiding medications and too-hot showers, and my mind is all over the place.

Do we need a bigger place? How will we make this work financially? Am I really up for this, God?  Is this even really happening? 

The truth is, the first trimester has taught me a lot about faith - especially the faith that's required when God is birthing something within you; when He reveals a calling, or places a dream in your heart.

10 Ways to Master Making Friends as an Introvert

Making new friends does not come naturally to me, and many other introverts. If I'm not intentional about it, I can easily become quiet and reclusive when I'm out and them go home all mopey and sing a chorus of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms." (I'm not making that song up - Google it!)

All kidding aside, meeting new people can be intimidating and small talk can be just agonizing. Having a conversation with no real substance feels like going to a restaurant and paying way too much for a small portion of bad food ... Social interaction can drain us, so interaction without a real connection is just "bleh".

Having a conversation with no real substance feels like going to a restaurant and paying way too much for a small portion of bad food.

So, from one introvert to another, here are 10 ways to build community:  

1. Pray  
Starting out with prayer is always a good idea. Pray that God will bring friendships that are real and genuine into your life, and that you will be a blessing to others.

 2. Show up 
You have to get out of your normal routine in order to meet new people and grow new relationships. so whether it's a church service, a birthday dinner, or a library story time with the kids, go - and leave time to mingle with others before or after the event. Then go home and recharge your batteries!

3. Say something
Showing up and then being a wallflower isn't going to help you much. Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation with someone. I know, I know. Small talk. (Why did it have to be small talk?)
Think of small talk as an investment.  Even the strongest friendships have to start somewhere. And who says it has to be boring? The ball is in your court, my fellow introvert. Make it interesting.

 Think of small talk as an investment.  Even the strongest friendships have to start somewhere.

 4. Be genuine 
Your friendships will only be as authentic as you are within them, so be real.

5. Reach out 
If you see a need, offer to help! This doesn't have to be anything major. For example, a few months ago a friend's baby had a diaper malfunction and had nothing clean to wear. I always try to have a change of clothes for Z on hand, so I loaned her an outfit.

6. Get involved 
Joining a group is an awesome way to connect with people. Bible studies, mom groups, interest groups, and volunteering are all awesome options! I especially like volunteering in some way (classic INFJ) because it makes the small talk easier.  You already know you have a common interest in whatever cause you are supporting!

7. Use, but don't rely on social media
Digital interactions just aren't the same as face-to-face hang time. Don't just be friends on Facebook, be friends at the coffee shop too.

8. Extend an invitation 
Be intentional about creating time and space to build relationships. You don't have to jump straight to inviting people into your home -start by asking some friends to join you for a lunch out. Once story time at the library ends, let some other moms know that your planning to hit the park down the street next. If you have some friends that you already know pretty well, invite them over for tacos or a game night.

9. Smile 
I know it sounds cheesy ::insert rim-shot here:: but I'm serious... especially for introverts. I think we need to be even more aware of this because we tend to internally be in our own world of thought - which affects our expression. If your resting face looks super pensive or even angry, you don't come across as approachable to those around you. Smile!

10.  Keep it up 
Making new friends isn't an overnight thing. Continue to get out of the house, smile, and say hello. Chances are that with a little intentional socializing, you may find a few good friends.

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The Lost Art of Friendship

A few years ago Hubs and I realized that, despite all our efforts, we were seriously in need of community. Friends that we could really do life with, conversations that went beyond the 30-second encounter which almost always ended with "yeah, it's been super busy - but we should definitely get together as soon as things settle a bit." The thing was, it never settled.  It's took us a while to see it because we were so deeply embedded in it, but the church culture we were in promoted busyness in ministry to a fault. I think it was something that church leadership was aware of, because there were sermons on that very subject - but they were often followed by a encouragement to get involved in the next conference, outreach event, serving team, and giving campaign.
We believed in the good work that the church was doing and we could see the fruit from these efforts, so we served anywhere and everywhere we could. At one point, we were serving in a total of seven capacities and leading in four of them. Even with all of that involvement, we felt like we didn't really know anyone well. We came, we served, we went home to take a nap; and, for the most part, so did everyone else.

Stay at Home Mom: A Leap of Faith

This is an exciting and somewhat unsettling time for our family. I've turned in my resignation  in order to stay at home with my son!  It's a great part-time job that I've really enjoyed, but it just isn't working for our family anymore.  I've been pondering taking this step for a while, but something held me back from actually resigning.  Namely, I have no idea how I am going to bring in some extra income.  Granted, the income I'm giving up is part-time and non-profit - nothing that's going to change the world - but it helps!